If you're going to smoke crack

If you're going to smoke crack, don't smoke crack in a $800+ a night suite. If for some reason you wish to disregard this stellar advise. Don't order copious amounts of room service. The server will see everything when they wheel the cart into the room. We're American service industry workers, we may be educated we may be working in a high-end, elite branch of our industry, but everyone short of upper management have been firmly rooted in the blue collar work force for generations. Even if we've never in our lives indulged, we are no strangers to drugs and drug paraphernalia. We have absolutely no problem politely asking you to leave for "smoking in a non-smoking suite."

However there is something to be said for the generosity of a loaded Texan drug dealer who has just been evicted from his suite at eight in the morning. From Microsoft executives to Boeing bigwigs, from silver spoon trust-fund babies to movie stars, I have never been tipped so generously for doing relatively nothing. The man in the Armani suit studies the face of his Rolex; yet the wife-beater wearing, tattooed, Texan transplant tells me to keep the change.

If I wasn't so firmly rooted in the over educated, underpaid, blue collar work force, I'd tell him where he could stick his dirty money. But then I'd be broker than I already am, and most likely reprimanded for not being hospitable.